Visitation On A Hectic Schedule
Posted by: Maureen | January 17, 2012 | No Comments
My daughter’s dad (Keith) works all kinds of crazy hours, and often works weekends, which can make visitation a bit of a nightmare. He also lives an hour away, so it’s not easy to just pop by.
In an effort to be sure Rebecca gets quality time with her dad, we are very accommodating with his schedule. Once, we even let Rebecca take a few days off school to spend time with him. Perhaps you think that is irresponsible, but I think the time with her dad is invaluable.
Recently, Keith had one day off on the weekend, and he wanted to spend time with Rebecca, so he asked if he could come for a visit at our house. My answer, of course, was “Of course!”
Keith arrived , with his son, just in time for lunch. Everyone happened to be home that weekend, so we all had lunch together. After lunch, he got a tour of our new music room AKA: the basement. It just happens to have a lot of instruments in it; thanks Santa!
He happily listened to their “music” and played along. Then, he and the kids put on protective glasses and pulled out the nerf guns. Our house was a full-on war zone for a while.
I made everyone Shrek shakes (basically a vanilla shake with peppermint extract and some green food colouring – a recipe the girls made at their PC Cooking Class) so they could take a breather, and before he left, he got roped into building bunk beds with Tom.
When he and his son left, I was happy that our home could be so comfortable for them.
This past weekend, when I was picking up Rebecca, her brother wanted to come too. Maybe, one day, he will feel comfortable enough to come for a sleep over with his sister in her new bunk beds!
What Makes Me Unique?
Posted by: Maureen | November 8, 2011 | 5 Comments
39 years ago, in a warm, cozy womb, my father’s sperm and my mother’s egg met in a tiny genetic explosion that would mark the beginning of my life. For 9 months, those tiny cells were hard at work. For 9 months, my mother ate potato soup and tried desperately to keep it down. It was not an easy pregnancy.
On March 16th, 1973, my mother would be induced. That is the week of March break. It is also the week that Georgetown, Ontario hosts the Bantam Hockey Tournament; my father was the MC.
Seems my father would have a dilemma on his hands, his 4th child was coming into the world, his 3 younger children were home for the week, and his beloved hockey tournament was going on. What would he do?
Well, he would drop the older children off at the legion for the ladies to take care of, then he would drop his very pregnant wife off at the hospital before heading to the arena to take care of business. It’s not like he was allowed in the delivery room anyway, right?
That afternoon, a tiny red-haired baby would be placed in my mother’s arms and, together, she and my father would decide on the name Maureen. Then they would turn to their 11-year old daughter and ask what that baby’s middle name should be, and that is how I became Maureen Frances Turner. Clearly, my sister had it in for me from the beginning.
From there on out, that would be my identity. Maureen Frances Turner, the little Turner, Steve Turner’s little sister, little red, Maureen, Mojo, Moe… all me.
According to Google, I am not the only Maureen Frances Turner in the world, nor would I think I am the only little red. It seems I share most of my traits with someone and, in some cases, with many people. So, what makes me unique?
I think the word unique can be used to describe, well, everyone. Since no two people are the same, even identical twins can’t actually claim to be identical. That said, we all share some similarities too. What makes me different from you, makes me the same as someone else and, likewise, what makes me the same as you, makes me different from some else.
I am a mom, and a step-mom. I have 4 children (2 step children, and 2 biological children). One of my children is bi-racial. I also have a husband. We’ve both been divorced… a couple of times. I believe in divorce. I believe in being happy. I believe that blended families can be just as happy as a “normal” family.
I am a writer, a blogger, a mommy blogger even. I have started writing many novels; I have never finished one. Writing is my passion. I write because, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel complete.
Individually, none of these things are unique.
So let’s talk about me, as an individual. Who am I? Other than a mom and a wife? I have a career. I work, outside of the home, in the male dominated world of sports television. I am the only female holding a senior technical position in my work place.
I would never have described myself as being very technical. Hard work and dedication will take you to places you never imagined. My work does not define me; I work to live. Until I make a living writing, I will not live to work.
There are plenty of people in the same situation, but that doesn’t make us the same.
Every little thing that has happened from the moment that genetic explosion took place, 39 years ago, has formed me into the person that I am now. I would never claim to be special, but there is no-one else like me.
It is the sum of all my parts that makes me unique.
If you would like to learn more about my unique personality, and the things that have made me who I am, enjoy these other pieces that I have written:
http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/parenting-learning-experience
http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/hitting-puberty
http://myfunctionalfamily.com/loving-a-step-child/
What To Call A Step Parent
Posted by: Maureen | November 6, 2011 | 3 Comments
People ask me all the time “what do your step kids call you?”
When Tom and I decided that we would spin this blended family web, there was much discussion about what the kids would call us. My daughter obviously called me mommy, and his children called him daddy, but what would his kids call me? What would my daughter call him?
We came up with a couple of cheesy things, like Taddy (Tom + Daddy) and Moemy (Moe + mommy), but we knew they weren’t really an option.
I knew of other families who just added their name to their title, so Daddy Tom and Mommy Moe or Mommy Maureen.
Rebecca actually called me Mommy Moe for a while when she was younger because she heard other people calling me Moe. Anyway, I digress, so what would the kids call us?
Well, we decided on Maureen and Tom.
Easy Peasy.
What do your step children call you?
Finding My Bliss With Healthy Choice
Posted by: Maureen | October 25, 2011 | 2 Comments
As a blogger/writer, there are certain things that are on my bucket list: getting published, Writing something that affects change, making a career out of writing, and attending the Blissdom Canada conference.
Thanks to Healthy Choice, I was able to attend the Blissdom Canada conference this year as their sponsored blogger; scratch that off my bucket list!
This conference was not only a learning experience, but a opportunity to meet some of my writing role models and interact with some very inspirational people.
Thursday evening, I found myself walking the red carpet in the halls of the CBC, and mingling with the likes of @HerbadMother, @TheresaAlbert, @EarnestGirl and, of course, my writing mentors @YummyMummyClub (Erica Ehm) and @SharonDv.
Friday morning, I went straight to the Healthy Choice “Steam and Win” Oasis Lounge to meet my sponsors. My contact, Lisa, couldn’t have made me feel more welcome, and I was happy to see that their booth was all about getting pampered. They weren’t pushing their product, they weren’t making me push their product. They really understood that this networking thing is all about building relationships rather than selling product.
While I was there, I received a paraffin hand treatment which was very relaxing. It helped ease my nerves before my first seminar, and it made my hands smell great!
Friday’s seminars included “The Business of Doing Business” and “Using Social Media for Social Good”, both could help me meet some of my goals. The panels were both interesting. I learned a good deal about the business of writing, and I learned that using social media for good will make an entire room of bloggers cry.
Saturday morning I, once again, went to see the lovely people at the Healthy Choice “Steam and Win” Oasis Lounge, and I had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with Brent Bishop, a professional fitness trainer and author of “The Think Factor”. I asked Brent a few questions on how a blogger/writer can keep themselves healthy and fit even though most of their day is spent sitting at a keyboard.
Me: What is the “Think Factor”?
Brent: Each of us has a trigger within us, that when unleashed, can have a powerful impact on our lives. Sometimes all it takes is an inspiring thought that acts as the crucial element to get us out of a rut and propel us forward – that is The Think Factor and it is unique to the individual.
Me: How important is diet?
Brent: Diet is about 70% of real weight loss success, particularly when it comes to hitting a fitness plateau. Tailoring your diet to be conducive to the results you are looking for will ensure you are maximizing your efforts and goals of becoming fit and leading a healthy lifestyle.
Me: What is it that you like about the healthy Choice Gourmet steamers?
Brent: Heathy Choice Gourmet Steamers are a great solution for the person on the go who is wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle. Today, people find it really difficult to balance work, family, and healthy eating choices; this product is a cost-effective and time-effective way to ensure you’re getting a low fat, lower calorie meal that is also good for you and great tasting.
Me: What are some easy things busy parents can do to promote healthy eating/active lifestyle?
Brent: One of the best things for parents to do to promote a healthy lifestyle is to lead by example. For example, at Think Fitness Studios we have an amazing mom & baby program whereby moms can bring their babies and actually workout while bonding with them. This is a great start at making fitness a ‘natural’ and integral part of the routine. As toddlers get older, it is that much easier to get them away from the video games and into sports and activities that their parents have and are still involved in.
Me: Any tips specifically for bloggers/writers (people who sit at a computer a lot)?
Brent: As a blogger/writer, you are positioned at a computer for long periods of time which places stress on your body and promotes poor posture. Here are some tips that are essential for all bloggers:
1) 20min work rule – the human attention span is on average 20min (whereby you can remain highly focussed). Take advantage of this fact and get up every 20-25min so that you can redirect your energy to getting your body moving, stretching and relieving tension. You will find you not only feel less aches and pains at the end of the day, but you will be more productive when you get back to work.
2) Scapular mobilization - Raise your shoulders towards your ears until you feel a slight tension in your neck and shoulders. Hold for 5 seconds. Slowly push chest forward and release your shoulders downward and backwards squeezing the shoulder blades together until you reach the lowest position to their normal position. Repeat this circular motion 3-5 times in each direction to alleviate tight muscles and enhance your posture.
3) Hydrate – have a glass of water that you can sip on while you are at the desk. You may even benefit from a smaller glass of water that can be finished quicker and could therefore encourage you to take those necessary breaks to stretch out and refill.
4) Ergonomic workspace. If you frequent the same desk at work and find you leave in pain regularly, look into having someone come in and do an ergonomic assessment. This could make your work world not only more productive but also help eliminate some chronic issues that you may be experiencing.
1. Core and Postural Conditioning – if you are not already exercising and focusing on training your core and postural muscles then now’s the time to start. You will feel stronger, more energetic, more productive and the results will counteract the development of poor posture. For more information or to get started on a program visit: ThinkFitnessStudios.com
After our interview, I may have snuck in another paraffin hand treatment, and made an appointment for an eye treatment later in the day.
Saturday, the most informative panel (for me) was called “To Publish or Not to Publish” and I enjoyed every minute of it. Getting published has been my dream since I was a teenager, so I ate up all the advice. Who wouldn’t when that advice is coming from some seriously big names in the industry. Now, try to imagine how over the moon I was when Jen Reynolds, the editor-in-chief at Canadian family, gave us a writing assignment! I’ll be working on that as soon as this blog is posted. Maybe I will be able to scratch something else off my bucket list.
After the publishing panel, I was ready for a nap, and I was going to head upstairs even though it would have meant missing the closing ceremonies. I was that tired.
Before I left, I thought I would stop in at the Steam and Win Oasis Lounge and see how everyone was doing. Apparently, I had just missed a Zumba class. Brent could see I was disappointed, so he said he would do another mini workout.
He took out some tension bands and we did some stretching and exercising. I honestly thought my legs were going to collapse, but you know what? When we were done, I felt energized, and I made it through the closing ceremonies and then to the costume party that night.
If singing karaoke with Jordan Knight of New Kids on The Block had been on my bucket list, I could have scratched that off at the costume party! I also got to meet Nadine Silverthorne that night (Maybe more exciting than Jordan Knight).
What’s on your bucket list? Perhaps a vacation at a spa resort? If so, go to www.healthychoicecanada.ca and you and a friend could be spending 6 nights at Body-Holiday LeSPORT all inclusive resort in St. Lucia. This is a spa and fitness retreat, where you will get pampered just like I did in the “Steam and Win” Oasis Lounge. To enter, all you need to do is, purchase a Healthy Choice Steam and Win product and uncover a PIN before December 2011. I recommend the General Tso’s Chicken, personally.
Comparing Parents
Posted by: Maureen | October 10, 2011 | No Comments
I wish I had her legs. I wish I looked like her. I want that purse, those shoes, his car, that house.
We compare ourselves to each other all the time, so it only seems logical that kids would compare people too. Even more logical, when a kid has 2 sets of parents, that they would compare them too.
That’s when it’s difficult being the full-time parents, the parents with more rules, less free time, more routine and less disposable income.
We are the parents who wake them, feed them, drive them, and make them do chores. They are the parents who go to movies, play video games, and take them shopping.
We are the ones who buy shoes, back packs, groceries and school supplies. They are the ones who take them to the Ex, buy them name brand clothes and the latest gadgets.
We are also the parents who tuck them in, scare away bad dreams, wait out fevers, and applaud good grades. We are the ones who plant their roots firmly in the ground.
In a world of variables, we are the constants.
Getting Gamey: Using Games for Development
Posted by: Maureen | September 28, 2011 | No Comments
While it may seem old fashioned, playing board games and card games with your kids is a great way to spend time together. Not only are you creating positive memories, you are improving your family life by increasing communication and closeness.
Board games also teach all kinds of valuable skills – academic, social, emotional, and life skills. Simply by playing games, children become more competent at counting, reading, paying attention, following rules, taking turns, listening, waiting, recognizing boundaries, being a good loser and a gracious winner, etc. Games also teach perseverance – just when you think you are losing, your luck can change if you just stay in the game a few minutes longer! Here are a few traditional games and some of the skills that they teach:
Monopoly® – improves reading, budgeting skills, reasoning, and patience
Scrabble® – enhances spelling, language skills and strategy skills
Chess and checkers – increases thinking ahead, impulse control, and strategy skills
Sorry® – facilitates how to be assertive about one’s own needs and handle set backs
Bop It® - reinforces attention and listening skills
Connect Four® – enhances strategy skills, delayed gratification, and dealing with frustration
Clue® – enhances attention and deductive reasoning
Chutes and Ladders® – teaches counting and handling disappointments
In addition to traditional toy store board games, there are also specially designed games to help children develop better social, emotional, and behavioral skills. These specialized, “therapeutic” games address topics such as impulse control, worry/anxiety, grief, divorce, anger, self-esteem, social skills, bullying, etc. Here are some examples:
Games that promote self-control
The Impulse Control Game
Remote Control Impulse Control
The Angry Monster Machine
Stop, Relax, and Think
Look Before You Leap
Games that promote family functioning
My Two Homes
The Changing Family Game
The Upside Down Divorce Game
Family Quest: A Family Therapy Board Game
Family Happenings
Games that promote social competence
Boundaries Baseball
Circle of Friends
The Social and Emotional Competence Game
Circle of Respect
Understanding Faces Game
There are also inexpensive, downloadable therapeutic games that can be electronically saved and printed from your own printer, such as those at HYPERLINK “http://www.castlewellgames.com” www.castlewellgames.com (Full disclosure: this is the author’s website).
Children (like all of us) do not appreciate being lectured to, so games are a wonderful way for parents to teach healthy social/emotional skills. Children let down their guard as they play, thereby creating opportunities for more genuine communication to take place. And, as therapeutic games offer suggestions for how to handle various problems, parents can refer back to these game elements when those day-to-day, in-the-moment problems arise. Play on!
Tonia Caselman, PhD, LCSW, is Associate Professor in the School of Social Work at the University of Ok. In addition to teaching, she maintains a private practice for children and youth. She is the author/co-author of numerous journal articles, books, and therapeutic games related to children’s mental health. She has most recently co-created a website for inexpensive, downloadable games for social/emotional development at HYPERLINK “http://www.castlewellgames.com” http://www.castlewellgames.com
One2One Blissdom Canada Entry
Posted by: Maureen | September 2, 2011 | 4 Comments
This space is my life.
This space is my passion.
This space is my way of giving back.
I share with you my life, I share with you my passion, and that is how I give back. I hope, every day, that someone finds there way to my space and that it helps them in some small way.
Life in a blended family isn’t always easy, and it’s nice to know there are people going through the same thing as you. That’s why I share the ups and downs that my family and I experience. I hope that my words may help even one person to think they are “normal” in this ever-changing, nothings-normal world.
I see this space becoming more.
I see this space opening lines of communication.
I see this space helping people.
These are the reasons that I want to go to Blissdom Canada. I think I could learn so much, I think I could connect with people, and I think I could take my space to the next level.
In my mind, I see this blog becoming a support group, a destination for anyone with questions about blended families, a meeting place for single parents, a community. I want this blog to be synonymous with happy blended families.
Introducing The Kids
Posted by: Maureen | August 27, 2011 | 2 Comments
When Tom and I got back together again, we were both divorced, we both had children, and we both wanted to take it slow.
We kept the dating quiet for a couple weeks, and then decided that we would introduce the kids, but just tell them we were friends. At the time, it was true, although we had been romantic before we were still deciding if a relationship was what we wanted.
That lasted only a few weeks because all the years seemed to melt away and we were, once again, a couple. The kids could tell even before we did; Eleanor asked us on our second play date “are you going to kiss?”. We blushed and gave each other a look of “how did she know?”.
We have to remember, kids aren’t dumb.
Tom had been single longer than I had, and his kids were genuinely happy that there was someone new in his life, and that helped with my daughter’s transition too. While she did question her dad and I getting back, we talked it through, and in the end she was happy when we announced we were getting married.
There have been some really hard stages in this transition and there have been some really great experiences. Even when the kids have an argument, we try to remember that full siblings fight too. It’s normal and it’s healthy, and so long as we keep talking about it, it won’t harm our relationship.
There are no rules in this blended family thing, and there are even fewer examples of how it’s done, so do what works for you and remember to communicate.
Missing My Step Kids
Posted by: Maureen | August 10, 2011 | No Comments
Originally posted on www.yummymummyclub.ca
Well, it’s that time of year again. While I do love the summer, the warm weather, the long days and the bare feet, it’s a bittersweet feeling once our week-long family vacation is over because there are now 2 empty beds upstairs.
Ethan and Eleanor have gone to their mother’s for the summer. They will be here on weekends with us, but Monday to Friday we are without them.
The house seems quiet, and not in that good I’m-the-only-one-home-for-a-few-hours kinda way; it’s more of an empty kind of feeling. How is that possible when there are still 4 people in the house?
Well, there’s less laughter, there’s less talking, less fighting, less yelling, less cooking and less hugging good night. Some of those may not sound like positives, but I assure you that when they aren’t there, you realize you would give anything to have them back.
I’m not the only one that notices the change, of course Tom does, but Rebecca and Siobhan are down 2 playmates too.
Just this morning, Siobhan knocked on both Ethan and Eleanor’s bedroom doors and when Tom opened them she ran in all excited to see them. She was disappointed when they weren’t there. How can I explain to her that the summer is different? That she only gets to see them on weekends for the next 7 weeks?
Rebecca is bummed too. She asks every day “when will Ethan and Eleanor be home?”
I hope they are enjoying themselves at their mom’s and I know that this time is important for them to have with her. I would never wish away the summer because the winter is too long, but I do look forward to the day when everything is back to normal.
How Many Siblings Do You Have?
Posted by: Maureen | June 28, 2011 | 2 Comments
Tom and I have 4 children. They are his, mine and ours. We are a blended family, and it is only in a blended family that a conversation like this can happen between siblings.
This is an actual conversation that happened at my house:
Ethan to Rebecca: “how many brothers and sisters do you have?”
Rebecca: “I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.”
Ethan: “Yeah, well I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters.”
Rebecca: “Siobhan only has 1 brother and 2 sisters, we both have more than her!”
Ethan: “Eleanor has 2 sisters and 4 brothers”
Rebecca: “Whoa, 4 brothers! That would suck!”
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